The School for the Giftedly Challenged
by RandomAvocados
Summary: The characters from FMA become teachers and students at the School for the Giftedly Challenged. I have no idea how or why I came up with this.
1. Chemistry: Ed

A quick note: Igot this idea about a year ago, an I've finally gotten around to actually writing it.This isn't a one-shot, I'm going to continue this, hopefully. I already have several of the chapters written, but I'm too lazy to type them on the computer.

Disclaimer: Do I really have to do this again?

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The School for the Giftedly Challenged

Chapter 1: Chemistry

"CLASS! SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" Edward screamed at the loud, annoying students.

"wait, you're the teacher?" Roy Mustang yelled from his position in the back of the room. "That's not fair! I want to be the teacher! I want to blow things up!"

"Mustang, SIT DOWN!"

"NO! I'm older than you! Wait, I'm 30 years old! What the hell am I doing in high school? You're 16! You should be the student! I should be the teacher!"

"Well, I'm smarter than you! And if you don't sit down, I'll call the Fuhrer!"

"You're mean!"

"I try to be! Now shut up and let me teach!" Mustang humphed but didn't say anything else, allowing Ed to continue. "Today we're learning about transmutations."

"Are you freakin serious? Like I don't know about transmutations already!"

"Nuclear transmutations, you dim-wit! Now who can tell me what a transmutation is?" A suit of armor in the front raised his hand, but Roy yelled out, "By using a circle, known as a transmutation circle, an alchemist can manipulate different substances. For example, if I snap my fingers, this entire room can burst into flame."

"Did I not just say we're learning about nuclear transmutations, you imbecile? Not alchemic? Now Al, you raised your hand. What is a _nuclear_ transmutation?"

"Transmutations are the changing of a nucleus of one element into that of a different element."

"Great textbook answer, Al. That is exactly what _nuclear_ transmutation is."

"Why do we have to learn about nuclear transmutations? The only thing I care about is alchemic-"

"Because I'm the teacher and I said so!"

"But you shouldn't be the teacher! I'm older!"

"We're not going to get into this again! There are two types of nuclear reactions! Natural and Artificial!"

"Teacher?" Al asked cautiously, afraid the Ed would explode at any moment.

"What Al!

"Why are you screaming?"

"Because your classmate is an annoying little-"

"Ed, I'm sorry to interrupt but you can't call me all the names I know you want to, because this is supposed to be rated K+."

"I don't care! You are a –"

"Wow, Ed. You have such a short temper."

Ed, not liking being called short, in any way shape or form, hopped onto the desk and started screaming, "Who are you calling an ameba so tiny a nuclear reaction won't even harm it?"

Mustand started cracking up, while Al tried to get Ed down. "Relax, Brother! He ddin't say that! Maybe you should just keep teaching."

"Right." Still standing on the table, Ed started pacing back and forth. "The three types of natural decay are alpha, beta, and gamma-"

"I thought we learning about nuclear transmutations!" Roy interrupted.

"We're learning about nuclear reactions and natural decay just so happens that natural decay is one of them!" Ed was trying to control his temper, but was failing miserably at it. "NOW ALPHA PARTICLES-"

"This is so boring! When do we get to blow stuff up!"

"If you want to blow stuff up, be my guest, but we won't be doing any nuclear reactions in here. As I was saying before, the three types of natural decay are natural decay are-"

"You already told us that! Now get on with artificial transmutation so this boring class can be over!"

"Fine! The two types of artificial reactions are fission and fusion. Before I explain to you what it is, can anyone tell me an example of fission reactions?" Ed heard snickering in the back of the room. He looked up, expecting Roy to be up to no good, but instead saw Kimbley's hand in the air, with a big, creepy grin across his face. "Yes, Kimbley?"

"Bombs." 

"Umm…that's correct. Bombs are an example of nuclear fission. Why are you so obsessed with bombs, Kimbley?"

"Because I'm a terrorist, duh!"

"Oh, yes. I forgot about that."

Kimbley whispered something to Roy, and then they both snickered.

"There is no talking in my classroom!" Ed hurled a piece of chalk at the two, and it hit Kimbley square on the forehead.

"Ok, that's it!" He stood up and clapped his hands together. But before he could put them down on his desk, the Fuhrer burst into the room. "Fullmetal! I have urgent news!" He then noticed Kimbley standing with his hands halfway to his desk. "Kimbley, what are you doing?"

Kimbley put on an angelic expression and said in a mock innocent voice, "It wasn't me, Mr. Fuhrer. It was all Mr. Elric's fault! He threw a piece of chalk at me! See?" He pointed to the growing red mark on his forehead.

"Mr. Elric, is this true?" Ed hung his head. "You give me no choice but to fire you. Which reminds me why I came in here in the first place. It seems there was a mistake. You're not supposed to be the teacher. Roy is."

"Score!"

"What! That's not fair! He…but…I…That's not fair!"

"Sorry Ed, but your only 16. You're still a student. Now if you come with me, I'll escort you to the class your supposed to be in. It's either Global or Home Ec. I don't really know."

"Hahahahahhahahahahaha! In your face!"

"Grrr…I hate you."

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Review time! I thrive off reviews!


	2. Home Ec: Hawkeye

Well, that didn't take long, did it? I guess it's becasue I'm bored out of my mind and have nothing better to do. So here's the next chapter:

Chapter 2: Home Ec

"Hello class, today we're baking a cake!" Riza said sweetly, but it wasn't all that convincing.

"Ummm…Hawkeye? Are you feeling okay?" Roy, who still didn't want to do any work, asked in a scared voice, afraid that Hawkeye would snap at any moment.

"Why, of course I'm fine. Why ever do you ask?"

"I think she drank a little too much steak sauce."

"So it would seem." They looked up at Riza, who was wearing a pink, flowery apron and giggling. The Fuhrer, who was standing in the back of the room, started for the door.

"Oh, Mr. Fuhrer! We're baking a cake today! Want to stay and join us?"

"No, that's ok. You seem like a good enough teacher. I guess those students who said you pulled a gun on them were lying. I'll just be going now, so I won't disturb you any longer."

"So now we know why she's been acting like this," Roy whispered to Ed. Sure enough, as soon as the Fuhrer exited the room, Riza Hawkeye ripped off her apron and stopped giggling. "OK, enough of this! NOW BAKE A CAKE! And if you mess it up, you'll have to suffer the consequences!"

"She sure is scary."

"Why are you sitting around, talking? Hurry! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! Hapaya!"

"Papayas? I have to put papayas in it?"

"Chop Chop!"

"Okay, okay!" Ed got a knife out of the drawer and started chopping up the papayas. "OWW!" he screamed out. "I cut my finger!" He shoved his bleeding finger into Hawkeye's face. "See?"

"Does it look like I care? Now work!" She then stomped away to yell at the next group.

"Why aren't you helping Roy?" Ed screamed at Mustang, who was leaning back in a chair, relaxing.

"I'm not quitting teaching Chemistry because it's too much work. Do you think I'm going to work here?"

"You'll work because I'll say you'll work! Now help me!" He then proceeded to push Mustang's chair back, making him fall over onto the ground in a heap.

"You can't tell me what to do!"

"Do you want to go back to teaching? That's a lot more work than this'll ever be!"

"I think we need some flour, salt, and sugar." Mustang said quickly, scrambling around to get the said ingredients.

"That's more like it. How much?"

"Do you really expect me to know the answer to that question? Just put it all in." Ed obediently dumped the entire bins of flour, sugar and salt into the bowl with the papayas. The flour came up in a great cloud, coating Edward in white powder. Mustang started cracking up, and Ed screamed at him to shut up. "What do we need next!"

"If it's going to be a chocolate cake, we obviously need pickles." Mustang got some pickles out of the fridge, chopped them up, then put them in the bowl. "And some butter and cheese and tortilla shells and fried bologna and cookies and lemons and cake-"

"We're trying to make a cake! I'm pretty sure we don't put cake in it!" But Ed still put all the ingredients he said into the mixing bowl. "It looks kind of dry." He observed.

"Well then, put some milk in!"

"NO! I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE NEAR THAT MILK! YOU DO IT!"

"Fine, you big baby." Mustang got them milk out of the fridge, opened it, and carried it over to the counter, a wicked grin on his face. When he got halfway there, he slipped in the layer of flour that was coating the floor. "AHHHHH!" he screamed, yet he was still smiling. "Ed watch out!" Ed turned around to see a huge gallon of milk flying at him. "NOOOOOOOOO!" He screamed in slow motion, and tried to duck out of the way, but he didn't make it. The milk landed on Ed, soaking him. "I'm covered in milk," he said as if in a daze. But suddenly it hit him like a bag of peanuts falling from the sky. "I HAVE MILK ON ME! I'M GOING TO DIE! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"

"FIVE MINUTES!" Hawkeye screamed.

"Five minutes!" Mustang repeated. "We can't bake this cake in five minutes! Fullmetal, get over it and think of a way to bake this cake in five minutes!"

Lying on the floor, as if he was about to die, Ed cried between gasps of breath, "Snap…your…fingers." He reached out a twitching arm, gave one last jolt, and remained motionless. "Poison!"

"Great idea Ed!" Roy pulled on his glove and snapped his fingers. What was supposed to be a cake but looked more like something that came out of a baby's diaper burst into flame. "She's coming! Put it out Ed! ED! ED!" He turned around to see the Fullmetal Alchemist lying on the floor. "ED! WAKE UP SHE'S COMING! I know what will wake you up. He then poured what was left of the milk onto the supposedly dead form of Ed.

Ed shot up in a flash and screamed, "WHY'D YOU HAVE TO DO THAT!"

"Because she's coming and the fire is still burning!"

"WELL THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU DUMP THE MILK OVER THAT!"

"BECAUE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY IF I DUMPED IT ON YOU!"

"WELL I DON'T THINK IT'S THAT FUNNY! NOW PUT THAT FIRE OUT BEFORE SHE GETS OVER HERE!"

"Fine." Mustang poured the seemingly endless supply of milk onto the supposed cake, not caring that half of it landed on Ed. "WILL YOU QUIT IT? WHY WON'T YOU STOP POURING MILK ON ME? I GOD, I think I'm going to be sick." Ed turned just in time so he didn't spew Mustang with chunks.

"That's gross! You just puked all over our cake!"

"It's not edible anyways. I mean, look at this thing." He poked it. "It's a slab of concrete." Ed then picked up the cake and walked over to the sink. Turning on the water, he washed away the sick. "It's waterproof."

"It's a pebble! No, it's a stone!"

"It's a flying saucer!"

"No! I know! I know! It's a Norwegian Fighting Cake!" Mustang picked up the rock and chucked it across the room. It hit Havoc on the head, and he keeled over. "Oops."

"I think you killed him." Ed said, feeling for his pulse.

"I didn't mean to. Quick, let's hide him before Hawkeye suspects anything." They then proceeded to drag Havoc across the room towards the closet. Opening the door and stuffing him in, they were startled by a harsh voice behind them. "What is the meaning of this?"

"Sorry, Professor Hawkeye. He just happened to get in the way of our Norwegian Fighting Cake. See?" He handed the boulder over to Hawkeye. She grabbed it and inspected it.

"And what do you call this?"

"I call it a Norwegian Fighting Cake."

"It's a mountain."

"Is it just me or have you noticed the size of this thing is increasing? First it was a pebble, and now it's a mountain."

"Who cares? We're about to be fired!"

"This could be a very good weapon. We could use it in the military."

"So we're not fired?" Roy asked with happiness.

"I never said that. I'm going to give you each a det-" Just then the bell rang, and Fullmetal and Flame rushed out of the classroom in a blur. "HEY! WAIT A SECOND! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU TWO!"

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you now what to do...and if you don't...grrrrrrrr


	3. History: The Fuhrer

Wow...I actually updated...It's a miracle...Enjoy the story...

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Chapter 3: History

"I will be filling in for Mr. Lamb-chops today." The Fuhrer stated as he sauntered into the room.

"Where is he?" Ed called out.

"He died…I mean…I murdered him…I mean…he's sick."

"Well, what will we be learning about?"

"The Fuhrer."

"I know your egotistical and all, but do we really have to learn about you?"

"You're fired!"

"You can't fire me! I'm a student!"

"Fine, then, you're rehired. But 5,000 points from your house for calling me egotistical."

"What is this, Harry Potter?"

"Stop making references to other pieces of literature! This is not English!"

"But you're the one that made the allusion!"

"I don't care! Now shut up and let me talk about Hitler!"

"But Hitler's not funny," Ed whined.

"It's not supposed to be funny!"

"Yeah, actually it is. This is a humor fic."

"Well then, what do you suppose I teach Mr. Look-at-me-I'm-so-funny-I-bet-I-can-make-you-laugh-without-even-trying?"

"Jell-O."

"Jell-O?"

"Jell-O."

"Jell-O?"

"Yeah! The history of Jell-O you imbecile!"

"You're fired!"

"I already told you before! You can't fire me!

"Then come up here and teach the history of Jell-O!"

"FINE! I WILL!" Ed stood up and walked to the front of the classroom. Turning around to face the class, he started, "Jell-O was invented in-"

"I DON'T CARE! SIT DOWN!"

"But you said I could teach the history of Jell-O! As I was saying, Jell-O was invented in LeRoy, NY."

"LeROY!" the Flame Alchemist called out from his position in the back of the room. "I have the birthplace of Jell-O named after me!"

"When did you sneak in? And aren't you supposed to be teaching Chemistry?" The Fuhrer asked him.

"How many times am I going to have to explain this? I'm supposed to, but it's too much work. This is much funner. Now keep going on about Jell-O. Was it created by a man named Roy too?"

"No, you idiot!"

"You're not the teacher anymore, so you can't yell at me. You're fired!"

"What is it with people trying to fire me? This isn't The Apprentice!"

"Stop making references to other pieces of literature! This is an FMA fanfic for crying out loud! This is not some crappy crossover."

"Do you know anything fanfiction, Fuhrer? Just mentioning another work does not make this fanfic a crossover."

"I don't care! I have to teach you about me. I mean the Fuhrer. I mean the Other Fuhrer."

"Are you referring to the Others on Lost?"

"Grrrrrrr..."

"This is an interesting topic though."

"What is?"

"The history of fan-fiction. According to Wikipedia, the first fan-fics were written back in the 1800's when people wrote unauthorized sequels to works such as Robinson Crusoe, but they didn't become popular until the 1960's and 70's, when people starting writing fan-fics about Star Trek. But I think the most important event in the history of fan-fiction was on October 15, 1998, when Xing Li founded Fan-fiction net. This site has millions of stories in dozens of languages, and it is the largest, most wide-ranging, and most popular fan-fiction archive online."

"Shut up! Avada Kedavra!" The Fuhrer shouted as green sparks flew out of his want that he randomly pulled out of nowhere. They hit Ed and he keeled over.

"Dude, I think you killed him."

"That's what I was intending."

"Sir, you have to come with us." Men in white suddenly popped up out of nowhere and grabbed the Fuhrer.

"No! What are you doing? We're are you taking me! I am the Fuhrer! You will never get away with this!" The Fuhrer's cries echoed down the hallway as Roy, Ed (who was just playing dead), and the rest of the class watched him being dragged away, cheering.

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If you review...Ed and Roy will give you a Norwegian Fighting cake!


	4. Human Anatomy: Scar

Wow...I finally updated...scary... Sorry it's so short.

Chapter 4: Human Anatomy 101

"Welcome class." The mysterious man said. He had blue eyes and long blonde hair that looked suspiciously like a wig. "Achoo! Sorry about that." When he sneezed, something blue fell out of his eye. "Oh for the love of Ishbala!" he screamed and covered his eye.

"You look surprisingly familiar," commented the Fuhrer, who stepped into the room at that time. "Are you plotting to assassinate me in any way shape or form?"

"No, you paranoid little shrimp!"

"You did not just call me a shrimp!" Ed shouted and jumped up.

"You're right, I didn't. I called the Fuhrer a shrimp."

"You're fired for that!" said Fuhrer exclaimed

"I'm not even in your stupid little military you dumb old one-eyed pirate. Which reminds me. Give me your stupid eyepatch!"

"Why do you need it?"

"Because I don't want you to see my red eyes. Oh crap."

"And why are your eyes red?"

"Ummm….because they're….ummmm…..swollen…because…ummm…I'm allergic to pirates. Especially old, smelly, parrotless pirates."

"Well, obviously, you're a parrot!"

"That didn't make any sense, so give me your eye-patch, you baka!"

"Over my dead body."

"Well, that can certainly be arranged now can't it?." The mysterious man, who if you hadn't already realized was Scar, then your pretty sad, whipped out a red light-saber and tried to chop the Fuhrer's leg off, because every pirate is not complete without a peg leg. But Bradley took out a green light saber and blocked the attack.

"Gentlemen, can you please settle this like gentlemen? I prefer to keep my head," a random student, who's not important spoke up.

"No, cause we're not gentlemen." They then proceeded to have a light saber war, complete with sound effects. Zschwoom! Zschwoom! The Fuhrer cut off Scar's left arm. "Oh, it's okay. It's only a flesh wound. And if it was the other arm, I would have to kill you." The Fuhrer then proceeded to cut off his right arm. "Oh, now you're going down!" Scar screamed as he charged at the Fuhrer. He was unable to block the attack, and the light saber pierced his heart. "It's only a flesh wound," said the Fuhrer, before he crumpled to the ground. Scar reached down and took the eyepatch off the Fuhrer's eye. He noticed a small symbol on the eye, but didn't think twice about it. He put it on, then turned back to his class. They were staring at him in shock.

"You just killed the Fuhrer," Roy said dumbfounded. After a moment, a huge smile spread across his face. "Which means that I can finally become Fuhrer!" He stood up on his desk and struck a pose. "And then Project Miniskirt can finally be a reality!"

"Umm…yeah, sit down Roy. We still have class."

"But, Professor, there's only five minutes left of class!"

"Well, then I'll have to work fast now won't I? We are going to learn what happens when you blow someone's brain up from the inside! Can I have a volunteer? Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, thank you for volunteering."

"But I didn't volunteer!"

"I said come here!"

Ed reluctantly stood up and walked to the front of the room. "Now, I will say the magic words, In the name of the great and mighty Ishbala, you shall perish. And then I stick out my right arm-HOLY CRAP!!!!" Scar noticed that his right arm was missing. "WHERE THE HELL IS MY RIGHT ARM?"

"You lost it in your fight with the Fuhrer, don't you remember?"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Scar screamed, and waving his arms in the air- Wait, he doesn't have any arms- So screaming madly at the top of his lungs, Scar raced out of the classroom.

"Does this mean we can finally go home?" Roy asked from the back of the room.

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Review...or Scar will attack you with a light saber!


	5. Gym: Armstrong

Wow…am I actually updating??? Hasn't it been nine months since I last updated??? Wow…it's a miracle!!!

Chapter 5: Physical Education

"Why are we in the parking lot, Professor Armstrong?" Ed asked, looking around.

"Because we're having class here today," Armstrong responded.

"Well, that's kind of obvious. But what are we doing?"

"Lifting weights."

"In the parking lot?"

"Yes, in the parking lot." Armstrong ripped off his shirt and struck a pose, his signature pink sparkles glittering above him. "Watch and learn how it's been done through the Armstrong line for generations!" He then walked up to the nearest car, picked it up, and hurled it across the parking lot. "That was my car!" Mustang screamed in horror, running up to the wreck that used to be his car. He then turned to Armstrong. "You just threw my car!"

"I'm just showing you what you have to do. Please don't fire me, Mr. Mustang. I promise I'll buy you a new car." Armstrong got down on his knees and started begging.

"Get a grip, Armstrong. I can't fire you. You're the teacher, I'm the student. Well, I'm pretending to be a student. I really should be teaching Chemistry, but let's just keep that between you and me, ok?"

"I'm sorry, Col-I mean-Student Roy Mustang."

"Wait a second, Armstrong," Ed started, walking up to them, interrupting their conversation. "Do you really expect us to throw a car across the parking lot?" Mustang ignored him and just kept staring at his crushed, smoking car.

Armstrong got a confused look on his face, as though it was the most natural thing in the world to throw an entire car across a parking lot. "Umm…yeah?"

"In case you haven't noticed, we're not as strong as you."

"But the cars are so light!"

"Well, maybe to you."

"Then what should we do?"

"How about fixing my car?" Roy suggested.

"How about nothing?" Havoc, who suddenly appeared out of nowhere, offered. He was standing in the back of the class smoking a cigarette.

"But I'm the teacher! The Fuhrer will fire me if I don't do anything!"

"The Fuhrer can't fire you," Havoc responded while throwing the butt of his cigarette on the ground and taking out another one.

"Why not?"

"Because the Fuhrer's dead. Scar killed him during Human Anatomy."

"Then why isn't everything in chaos and people running around screaming and-"

"Because nobody cares."

"Who's going to be the next Fuhrer?"

"You're looking at him," Roy stuck up his head and put on and air of importance.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Fuhrer! I didn't mean to be so mean to you!" He got down on his hands and knees again and started kissing Roy's shoes.

"Armstrong! Stop it! You're messing up my brand new shoes!"

"Sorry, again." He paused. "But what should I have you do? I know! You could run 50 laps!"

"Why don't you?"

"Yeah, I bet you can't."

"Oh, yeah?" Armstrong ripped off his shirt, which had magically reappeared from the last time he had done it and said, "The Armstrong line has been blessed with speed and strength for generations! I can do anything!" He flexed his muscles, and the sun reflected off his ripped physique, blinding the students. He didn't realize that they were all staggering around and took off down the track.

"My eyes! My eyes!"

"Why did you dye your hair pink, Ed?"

"What are you talking about Roy?"

"This reminds me of that time when Havoc, wrapped in saran wrap, started staggering around and bumping into walls. That was funny." Roy started cracking up, completely forgetting about his blindness and his wrecked car. He fell to his knees, tears leaking from his eyes. Everyone stared at him despite the fact that they couldn't see him, not sure what to think. At that moment, Roy looked up at Ed. "What was the name of that fanfic again? Wasn't it Mil-"

Before he even finished the word, Ed let out a bloodcurdling scream and sped off down the track. This sent Roy into another fit of laughter.

"Brother! Wait for me!" Al called out and took off after his brother. The rest of the class watched the three running, before turning around and heading back into the school, skipping the rest of the class.

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Now review. If you do, I promise I'll put up another chapter really soon. If you don't Armstrong will make you run 50 laps around the track. That's equal to about 12.5 miles.


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